Skulduggery Pleasant Doctor Who: Disrupting the Skull
by Hugablestpersonever
Summary: This is a crossover between Skulduggery Pleasant and Doctor Who. It starts in murder scene where Skulduggery finds a big blue box appear out of the middle of nowhere.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

There was something odd about this murder scene but Skulduggery couldn't quite put his bony finger on it. Maybe it was the fact that there was a toothbrush in one of the victim's mouths or that there was a big blue box that appeared out of nowhere and people were getting out of it. Skulduggery got close enough around a corner to them to hear what they were talking about. "It says meet us here, we need help- oh", the man with the sticky uppy hair saw the scene, "whoever they are or were", he turned to the woman with the huge curly hair, "we were late."

Skulduggery braced his hand around his gun, "Who are you?"

The man was slightly stunned at the look of Skulduggery, "Well, how does that work?" he asked, "but, but, but" the man started to point at Skulduggery's jaw.

The woman apologized, "Sorry, sometimes he just doesn't get it. Now sweetie" She started to whisper in his ear.

"Ohhhh…" he started sniffing Skulduggery, "Of course"

The woman continued, "Sorry, I'm River Song and this is the Doctor… just the Doctor."

"Right and what are you doing here?"

"Well, it's kind of a long story. I got this message and we were a bit well -uh- late."

"And this message…?", Skulduggery half-asked.

"Wait, we're in Ireland aren't we? That's marvellous! I haven't been here in a very long time."

"Yes, Ireland is marvellous but what does it have to do with them?" Skulduggery pointed to the victims.

"Oh- well, them", Doctor took a deep breath and was interrupted by River, "We don't actually know… I thought your species is extinct?"

Skulduggery was a bit startled, "My… species?"

River retorted, "Yes your species aren't you from Exoberlice 11?"

"Exoberlice 11?"

"Yes, the planet. The one with the red sky and the gelatinous ground."

"Wait… You think I'm from a different planet? Sorry, I haven't been my normal brilliant self but you have me quite confused. What _are _you talking about?"

The Doctor came up close to Skulduggery and started looking from eye socket to eye socket. He then got a green flashy light thing and pointed to Skulduggery with it then looked at it. He turned to River and showed her the thing. "Oh…" She murmured, "Now that's weird."

"I told you his molecular structure was of Earth."

"Well, how do you explain him… staying… together?"

"Give me a second; I haven't quite worked out that bit yet."

Skulduggery was even more confused he had assumed they weren't mortal but it seemed they were. It didn't make much sense to Skulduggery either. Were these mortals mad or just… alright he couldn't think of something else they could be.

"How about I bring you two down to the sanctuary? Wait, where is Valkyrie?" _Of course, she hates murder scenes. _Skulduggery motioned for them to stay there while he got Valkyrie.

She was waiting in the Bentley. "You got all the information you need yet?" Valkyrie by the looks of it was not amused.

"Yes _and _suspects."

"Where are they then?"

"Someone's got they're grouchy pants on today."

"Shut up. Who?"

"They're completely mad. They call themselves River Song and The Doctor."

"Doctor Wh-"

"Just the Doctor."

"Right. Well, go get them."

Skulduggery walked back to the wackos. "We can explain everything at the sanctuary now come with me."

River hesitated, "Hold on, we don't even know your name."

Skulduggery would have sighed right then if he could. "My name is Skulduggery Pleasant."

River turned to the Doctor, "What an odd name for this age and on _Earth_. Better check," River turned to Skulduggery, "What year is this?" Skulduggery started walking to the Bentley. River -shortly followed by the Doctor- followed. "The year is 2013." _Yep definitely mad_.

They met Valkyrie sitting in the front seat. "Oh, you must be River and you are _the _Doctor."

"Yes we are." River responded.

"...Nice belt."

"Thanks."

They got in the Bentley. Valkyrie and River looked like they got on a bit too well and too easily. Which was odd since Valkyrie doesn't normally get along with people that easily and by the looks of it, neither did River.

Skulduggery's gun must have been in view.

"What is this?" The Doctor took his gun and put it in his pocket.

Skulduggery wasn't pleased. "Give me that back. That is my favourite."

"Sorry, I can't do that. I do not allow violence in my presence and even if you try my pockets are too bigger on the inside for you to find it."

Valkyrie gave a look at Skulduggery.

"Did you just say your pockets were bigger on the inside?" Valkyrie asked.

River answered, "Yes," she reached over into the Doctor's pocket and pulled the gun out, "and here Skulduggery. I do believe in violence." She handed Skulduggery the gun.

Skulduggery gave her a quick nod and started the engine.


	2. Chapter 2

**Happy New Year Everyone! 2013, Good luck!**

**Chapter 2**

The drive to the sanctuary was definitely one of the most interesting drives Skulduggery has ever been in. Everyone knows Skulduggery has had some weird people or … things in his car.

The Doctor seemed to be looking out the window, pointing to random people and calling them alien or not.

River and Valkyrie got talking. They had a lot in common they realised their fashion sense, fighting skills and companions were all common. Finding something they both were interested in wasn't hard.

And Skulduggery was driving just listening to the conversations or the one-sided-conversations in the Doctor's case. Skulduggery didn't even add any input since Valkyrie and River were talking to each other at the speed of light and Skulduggery had no idea about what the Doctor was rambling about.

"Oh," Doctor proceeded to wind the window, "Get pack to your own planet!"

"Doctor, I think it would be better if you didn't yell at random people on the street." Skulduggery advised.

"I am!" The Doctor paused, "They're not your version of people."

Skulduggery would've sighed then if he could.

"I know, right?" Valkyrie exclaimed.

"Unlike this guy," River pointed to the Doctor, "he thinks the most unfashionable pieces of clothing are "cool"." Air quotes.

Valkyrie nodded, "I saw the bow tie." She coughed.

"Oi!" The Doctor shouted.

Valkyrie looked out her window with a smirk on her face as if she hadn't heard the Doctor.

River nudged the Doctor. "What?!", Doctor moved a slight bit away from River.

River half whispered to the Doctor, "They're helping us… Just play along."

Trying to break the silence, Skulduggery announced, "We're almost there!"

Valkyrie gave him an odd look. Valkyrie was surprised at Skulduggery's perkiness.

They turned into the Sanctuary and got the Doctor and River inside without discussion.

Skulduggery got them just to the outside of a questioning room when- "Are we being questioned?"- The Doctor finally caught on.

"Are we suspects?", The Doctor said in an amused/ bewildered way.

When Skulduggery looked to the Doctor to answer he walked in to the room while half murmuring half shouting "Marvellous!"

River walked after him, sulkily and slammed the door after her.

Skulduggery and Valkyrie still outside the door, Valkyrie gave Skulduggery another odd look.

"Don't ask me." Skulduggery mused.

Ghastly came to them with the case file. "Already got suspects I see…?"

"Yes", Valkyrie took the file, "Pretty sure they're crazy."

Skulduggery took hold of the door knob, "found out he was a suspect and started yelling "Marvellous"."

Skulduggery opened the door and ushered Valkyrie in.

"I'll leave it to you then. Nutters aren't my forte." Ghastly started walking away while itching his elders robe.

Skulduggery walked into the room and sat down next to Valkyrie.

"What's your connection to the Victim?", Skulduggery asked.

"Well, we didn't know him." River answered.

"Then why were you at the murder scene?" Skulduggery puzzled.

"It's sort of hard to explain-", River started but was interrupted by the Doctor, "I got a message on my slightly psychic paper."

River turned her head slowly to the Doctor, "Oops, Sorry. I interrupted again."

River murmured, "Always butting in" she started again, "There is this way we can communicate with people but sadly sometimes it can just come late. In this case, much too late."

"What was this communication you got from Mr Brown?"

"It said, "Meet us here"," River pointed to the ground, "we need help."

"So, this communications device can get a message from anybody in the world?"

The Doctor answered, "Yes," and swerved his head a little to River, "and more." A wink.

_I've had enough of this nonsense._

Skulduggery stood up, "What was that?"

River and the Doctor started to turn to each other but looked back at Skulduggery.

"What was all that nonsense about my species and aliens and that wink?!"

"Well-" River started to say but was interrupted… again by the Doctor, "We're aliens!"

River just face palmed and shook her head.

Skulduggery had just accepted the fact that they were actually crazy… fully crazy when River started saying this big long story about that big blue box they came out of and how it could travel through time and space. Apparently they called it a T.A.R.D.I.S. Standing for something weird to do with science.

After that Skulduggery didn't bother listening to the science luno rabble because that wasn't his department.

Skulduggery was detective and this guy didn't look like a murderer to him. Just some wacko he found on the street.


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note Sorry that this one is a bit shorter guys. I've been quite busy you know getting A+s at school and everything ;P**

**Chapter 3**

Of course, Skulduggery had known a few weirdos himself. People even thought Skulduggery himself could be a weirdo. Skulduggery had once met a man whose skin was inside out. It wasn't particularly pretty.

Magic was one thing, but Aliens? Now that was a completely different question… At least that's what Skulduggery thought.

Valkyrie on the other hand since she was first introduced to magic had a more excepting mind or in Skulduggery's eyes / eye sockets more gullible mind.

Valkyrie was intrigued with the stories the Doctor and River came up with. First there was one about a planet where the mountains swayed in the breeze but the Doctor had to save the inhabitants from a swaying volcano. Then there was another about a time where he saved the universe two times in a row.

Skulduggery kept his eye sockets on the Doctor and tried not to buy it. Valkyrie on the other hand was leaning in closer and closer to them both as if she wanted to be one of them. River talked the most but of course the Doctor interrupted half of the time.

But something did capture Skulduggery's thoughts. The Doctor started talking of a time war.

"Yes I was the last of the time lords. My home planet, Gallifrey, is gone. It burned and I was left alone for hundreds of years until two of my companions –ehem-"

River interrupted this time, "they were my parents. Because I was uh made on the T.A.R.D.I.S in the time vortex I became a time lord."

The Doctor blushed "Yes that is exactly how it happened and so now we are husband and wife and are going through time and space together."

Valkyrie being the girl she is commented, "AWWWW—That's SO cute!"

Skulduggery then talked for the first time in 30 minutes, "You said something about a _time_ war?"

The Doctor answered, "yes?"

"Well, I was in a war too."

"It wasn't as big as the war that I was in."

"Really? My war lasted four hundred or so years and involved the whole planet."

"The time war involved thousands of species but mainly the time lords and the daleks and destroyed my home planet and many others. It's in time lock so technically it is still going."

"Alright I'll give it to you your war is a _bit _bigger." He gave in.

The Doctor gave a triumphant smile and turned his head for River's approval. She shook her head. His smile quickly turned into a frown. "Magic war, Time war what's the difference it is still war."

He then turned back to River and River responded with a slight nod.

"Agreed."

Skulduggery reminded himself that he was questioning these people for a murder case not having competitions with them.

"Alright, now that we know… who… you are. Why don't you explain to us what you think happened to Mr. Brown." Skulduggery was hesitant in asking suspects who _they_ thought would be the murderer but it might just give him something to work with.

"Welllll… normally when we run into these sort of situations the other bad alien did it." The Doctor sort of looked out into the distance then started nodding.

"Other bad alien? Do you know… what… species it would be?"

The Doctor started look to and fro into Skulduggery's eye sockets, "Was there anything peculiar about how he was lying there?" The Doctor loved the thought of becoming a detective.


End file.
